How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal in a Relationship
Understanding the process, the pain, and the path forward
When trust is broken in a relationship, it can feel like the ground underneath you has shifted. Whether the betrayal was a breach of emotional safety, physical boundaries, or something else entirely, the path to healing is rarely straightforward, but it is possible.
As a couples therapist in Coral Gables, I’ve walked alongside many partners navigating this painful process. And while every story is different, the themes are often the same: hurt, confusion, anger, and a deep longing to understand if and how repair can happen.
Types of Betrayal in a Relationship
Betrayal doesn’t always look like infidelity. It can take many forms, including:
Emotional or physical affairs
Lies, secrecy, or hidden behaviors
Financial dishonesty
Repeated broken promises
Substance use that impacts the relationship
Emotional withdrawal or abandonment during difficult seasons
What these all have in common is a rupture in trust and emotional safety and that’s what the healing process must rebuild.
Before Healing Can Begin: Has the Betrayal Stopped?
One of the most important foundations of trust repair is this:
Before you can begin healing, the betrayal must have ceased.
There’s no way to process or rebuild trust if the hurtful behavior is still happening—physically or digitally, directly or in secrecy. Healing requires emotional honesty, transparency, and the courage to face hard truths with open hands.
Context Matters, But Doesn’t Excuse the Betrayal
It’s common for couples to want to understand why the betrayal happened. Context matters and in therapy, we explore the dynamics that may have contributed to or set the stage for the rupture. But understanding is not the same as justifying.
The person who broke the trust must take full accountability. The partner who was hurt needs room to ask questions, feel their feelings, and take things one step at a time.
Common Challenges After Betrayal
If you’re in the aftermath of a betrayal, you’re not alone if you’ve experienced:
Difficulty reconnecting emotionally or sexually
Feeling like you need to “rehash” the betrayal over and over
Asking the same questions again and again
Struggling with a roller coaster overwhelming or resurfacing emotions
Questioning your reality, self-worth, or ability to trust again
These are normal responses to relational trauma. You are not being dramatic or taking too long. Your nervous system and heart are trying to make sense of the pain.
The Gottman Trust Revival Method: A Research-Based Roadmap
The Gottman Trust Revival Method outlines three phases for healing after betrayal:
1. Atone
This phase includes open disclosure, deep listening, and sincere remorse. The partner who broke the trust must take accountability, offer empathy, and express genuine willingness to make things right.
2. Attune
Partners begin to rebuild emotional intimacy through vulnerability, responsiveness, and renewed connection. This includes learning to talk about difficult emotions, triggers, and fears without defensiveness.
3. Attach
This final phase focuses on rebuilding physical and emotional intimacy and forming a shared vision for the future. Couples often work on new rituals of connection and commitments to maintain transparency and trust.
Rebuilding Trust Requires Accountability and Ownership
True healing can’t happen without each partner doing their part. The betraying partner must show consistent accountability, transparency, and empathy. The betrayed partner must explore their emotions fully, ask questions, and make space for gradual, earned trust to be rebuilt.
It’s also important to recognize how each person contributed to the relationship dynamic leading up to the betrayal, not to blame, but to grow.
Forgiveness Is a Decision—And So Is Commitment
Forgiveness is not a single moment. It’s a conscious, often repeated decision to move toward healing. It does not mean forgetting or pretending it didn’t matter. It means choosing to walk the path of repair together when both partners are willing.
There Is Hope After Betrayal
Rebuilding trust is hard work. It takes time, courage, and a lot of discomfort. But couples who commit to the process can come out stronger, more honest, and more deeply connected than before.
If you're in the wake of betrayal and wondering whether your relationship can survive, you're not alone. I've supported couples through this process and I can support you too.
📍 Based in Coral Gables | Virtual sessions across Florida