Wedding Bell Blues: Why It’s Normal to Grieve Before You Say ‘I Do’
By a Coral Gables Premarital Counselor
A few months before my wedding, my fiancé and I visited my family home—something we’d done countless times before. But this time felt different. I knew it might be one of the last times I’d be there as an unmarried woman. It wasn’t dramatic—just a quiet awareness that something was shifting.
At the last minute, we decided to cut the trip short so we could take advantage of an opportunity my fiancé was really excited about. I wanted to go—truly. But I also wanted to stay. I’ve always been deeply connected to my family, and I could feel a chapter closing in a way I didn’t quite know how to name.
As we drove away, the tears started. And they didn’t stop. For 30, maybe 40 minutes, I just cried. My fiancé was concerned - “what’s wrong?” he kept asking…Even after we talked about it—after I felt heard and reassured—the tears kept coming. My fiancé gently offered to turn around, but I knew this wasn’t really about going back. I didn’t want to undo the decision. I was grieving something I couldn’t quite articulate.
Looking back, I now understand: I wasn’t grieving the end of my relationship with my family—I was grieving the shift. The soft but significant change in identity, in belonging, in how life would move forward from here. And that grief didn’t mean something was wrong. It meant something sacred was happening.
Grieving Before Marriage Is More Common Than You Think
That moment in the car? It wasn’t an isolated experience. As a couples therapist in Coral Gables, I’ve worked with many engaged clients who carry a quiet undercurrent of sadness alongside their joy. And most of them ask the same question: “Does this mean something’s wrong with me—or with us?”
The answer is: no. You’re not broken. Your relationship isn’t broken (at least not on this element alone). You’re human.
What I experienced that day was a form of transitional grief—a natural emotional response to the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. And while our culture celebrates weddings as purely joyful, the truth is that growth often includes grief.
What SYMBIS Teaches Us About This Emotional Shift
One of the insights I appreciate from the SYMBIS framework (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) is that marriage marks a profound shift in identity. You’re not just planning a party—you’re transitioning from “me” to “we.” From individual freedom to shared responsibility. From one family system into the blending of two.
And every change—even healthy, longed-for change—comes with some kind of letting go.
According to SYMBIS, couples often underestimate the emotional impact of what they’re leaving behind. Whether it’s your family home, your singleness, your routines, or your role in your family of origin, there’s a quiet grief that can surface in surprising ways.
Common Myths That Make Grief Feel Like a Red Flag
Let’s gently name and dismantle a few cultural myths that can make couples feel isolated or guilty for their emotions:
❌ “If you’re sad before the wedding, you must be unsure.”
Reality: Sadness doesn’t equal doubt. It often means you’re emotionally attuned and processing the weight of change.
❌ “You should only feel excited before your wedding.”
Reality: Joy and grief often walk together. You can feel deeply grateful and deeply tender at the same time.
❌ “Marriage means leaving everything else behind.”
Reality: Healthy marriages don’t erase your past—they honor it and integrate it. The love you carry for your family, your roots, your independence—it still belongs to you, even as you step into something new.
Why Grief Is Actually a Sign of Growth
Grief is often misunderstood as something to avoid. But in the context of engagement and marriage, it’s actually a sign of maturity.
It means you’re paying attention. You’re honoring your history. You’re not rushing blindly into the future—you’re pausing to reflect on what matters, what’s changing, and what you want to carry with you.
As SYMBIS puts it, awareness is essential for building a strong foundation. The more you name and process your inner experience, the more emotionally present and connected you can be with your partner.
Prompts for Couples Navigating Mixed Emotions Before Marriage
If you or your partner are feeling unexpected emotions in the lead-up to your wedding, here are a few gentle questions to explore together:
What are you afraid of losing or leaving behind as we step into marriage?
What part of your identity are you grieving—or reshaping?
What do you want to carry forward from your family or single life into our marriage?
How can we honor where we’ve come from while also growing something new together?
How can we support each other when one of us feels more tender or emotional during this transition?
These conversations aren’t signs of trouble—they’re signs of a relationship willing to be honest, grounded, and emotionally attuned from the beginning.
Let Grief Be Part of the Love Story
Tears in the car. A quiet ache when you walk through your family home. Nostalgia for the life that’s shifting. These are not reasons to question your decision—they’re reasons to honor the depth of this moment.
You’re not just stepping into a new season. You’re carrying your story with you—and adding a new chapter with intention.
As a premarital counselor in Coral Gables, FL, I help couples explore the full emotional landscape of engagement—not just the logistics and planning, but the inner work that creates a meaningful, resilient foundation for marriage.
📍 Serving couples locally in Coral Gables and virtually across Florida
💬 If you’re navigating mixed emotions before your wedding, I invite you to reach out. Let’s create space for your full story—grief, joy, and everything in between.